Revolution!

The other day my teen daughter was saying that there is a girl she knows who stuffs her bra and how the other girls think it is so stupid and annoying that she does that. It immediately reminded me of an "after schhool movie" (remember those???) about a girl who DIDN'T stuff her bra, but everyone thought she did because she developed so quickly. So I said to my daughter, "Well, how do you know she stuffs her bra? And even if she does, what does it matter? " To which my daughter replied "It gives us all a bad name when girls stuff their bra to make boys notice them, and even when you do stuff like that, they don't notice you."

And so it begins, when girls start basing their value on the attention they get from boys.

My heart was kind of broken.

For the girl who feels her cup size is a way to get attention and the scorn in my daughters voice as she talked about it.

I felt this was a teaching moment, I wanted to show her that as women when we see other women struggling to find their way, struggling to be accepted, augmenting their bodies in order to fit in, rather than be annoyed by them, we should be filled with kindness and compassion for them. There is a saying , "Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up." I want her to know she can be the one to help someone up.

I struggled to find the words to convey to my daughter of how much more there is to women than just if men like their bodies.

I tried to explain to her that regardless of your size or what you look like, or what color your hair is, there will ALWAYS be men who think you look amazing and there will always men who think you don't.

There are always lovers and haters, it is in your best interest to love the heck out of yourself, be true to yourself and make yourself happy first and foremost because there will always be be lovers and haters.

She agreed with me, I had so much more to say, but no words seemed enough. How do you convey the powerful love you have for your daughter to her? And convince her that she is an amazing soul, blessing the world with her very presence and that anyone who treats her differently is the problem, not her. How do you make her feel that about her girlfriends and show her how to lift them up when they need it?

I have no idea. I hope hope hope that just by having these feelings and in the way I live my life that she understand her inherent value and worth.

We have all been trusted with something important and beautiful and unique to ourselves, our bodies.

Let's revolutionize how we talk to ourselves and how we perceive our bodies. This curvy, not perfect body of mine, has carried and given life to two amazing children, has comforted people in their sadness, has hugged not only dear friends but strangers tightly, my hands have bathed children, my body has been a comfort to many and I must value it for the amazing gift that it has been to myself and to others. Not only do I promise to stop hating my imperfect body, but I promise to love it and respect it.

It has taken me all 35 of my years to value myself above all others. To know, that I am deserving and worthy and just the right amount of everything. That my flaws make me unique and quirky and fun and I love myself even more for them.

How do you say all of this to your teen daughter without her thinking you are a freak and rolling her eyes at you?

I realized, I couldn't. So I said what I could and I had to leave it at that. I pray that as she gets older she will remember that conversation in the car, where her mom told her to make herself happy, to love herself the most and the rest will just work out.

My challenege to you, is to revolutionize how you feel about your body, not only stop hating it, but love your body.

Remember, you have been entrusted with something important and beautiful and unique to yourself, value it.

Imperfectly perfect,

Gabbi