Being Gentle

It is a little bit of a struggle to write a "tank filler" today. I am dealing with grief and this picture came to mind:



Today I am being as gentle with myself as I can. Allowing the tears to come whenever they feel like it and for as long as they feel like it. I am courageously and unashamedly asking friends for help and hugs and their presence.


I am being gentle with myself. Allowing the feelings, allowing myself to falter in my faith, knowing; this too shall pass.

It really, really will.

Our spirits are amazing and brilliant and will not be kept down.

A friend sent me an article today talking about how if we can keep in mind that we are ALL doing our very best, it makes it much easier to have compassion. Even to have compassion towards those who hurt us or challenge us or vex us.

Sometimes, I wonder if choosing a life of lovingkindness and compassion has prompted the Universe to set up mini obstacles to test my conviction. Through this recent challenge, I faltered. In my hurt, I allowed words of anger to escape my lips. But I did the best I could. And I will learn and grow from this experience and hopefully, the Universe will deem me an expert and leave me be. Ha ha ha

This week, I challenge you to remind yourself, that EVERYONE is doing their best, and please, please, please be gentle with them.

Gentle Spirit,

Gabbi

Revolution!

The other day my teen daughter was saying that there is a girl she knows who stuffs her bra and how the other girls think it is so stupid and annoying that she does that. It immediately reminded me of an "after schhool movie" (remember those???) about a girl who DIDN'T stuff her bra, but everyone thought she did because she developed so quickly. So I said to my daughter, "Well, how do you know she stuffs her bra? And even if she does, what does it matter? " To which my daughter replied "It gives us all a bad name when girls stuff their bra to make boys notice them, and even when you do stuff like that, they don't notice you."

And so it begins, when girls start basing their value on the attention they get from boys.

My heart was kind of broken.

For the girl who feels her cup size is a way to get attention and the scorn in my daughters voice as she talked about it.

I felt this was a teaching moment, I wanted to show her that as women when we see other women struggling to find their way, struggling to be accepted, augmenting their bodies in order to fit in, rather than be annoyed by them, we should be filled with kindness and compassion for them. There is a saying , "Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up." I want her to know she can be the one to help someone up.

I struggled to find the words to convey to my daughter of how much more there is to women than just if men like their bodies.

I tried to explain to her that regardless of your size or what you look like, or what color your hair is, there will ALWAYS be men who think you look amazing and there will always men who think you don't.

There are always lovers and haters, it is in your best interest to love the heck out of yourself, be true to yourself and make yourself happy first and foremost because there will always be be lovers and haters.

She agreed with me, I had so much more to say, but no words seemed enough. How do you convey the powerful love you have for your daughter to her? And convince her that she is an amazing soul, blessing the world with her very presence and that anyone who treats her differently is the problem, not her. How do you make her feel that about her girlfriends and show her how to lift them up when they need it?

I have no idea. I hope hope hope that just by having these feelings and in the way I live my life that she understand her inherent value and worth.

We have all been trusted with something important and beautiful and unique to ourselves, our bodies.

Let's revolutionize how we talk to ourselves and how we perceive our bodies. This curvy, not perfect body of mine, has carried and given life to two amazing children, has comforted people in their sadness, has hugged not only dear friends but strangers tightly, my hands have bathed children, my body has been a comfort to many and I must value it for the amazing gift that it has been to myself and to others. Not only do I promise to stop hating my imperfect body, but I promise to love it and respect it.

It has taken me all 35 of my years to value myself above all others. To know, that I am deserving and worthy and just the right amount of everything. That my flaws make me unique and quirky and fun and I love myself even more for them.

How do you say all of this to your teen daughter without her thinking you are a freak and rolling her eyes at you?

I realized, I couldn't. So I said what I could and I had to leave it at that. I pray that as she gets older she will remember that conversation in the car, where her mom told her to make herself happy, to love herself the most and the rest will just work out.

My challenege to you, is to revolutionize how you feel about your body, not only stop hating it, but love your body.

Remember, you have been entrusted with something important and beautiful and unique to yourself, value it.

Imperfectly perfect,

Gabbi

Enough is Enough

For many years of my life I operated from a fear of lack mindset. For myself, this started as a young girl. We grew up without a lot of money, there were plenty of times we went without. Me, being a natural worrier, worried a lot about how would we have groceries, how would we pay the electric bill, how we would have money for school supplies, the list goes on. I always had a fear that we didn't have enough.

In hindsight, we always had what we needed. Our fundamental needs were always met. We always had a place to sleep at night, we always had clothes, we always ate and I always had school supplies. But, growing up, I had no faith or trust that things would work out.

This lack of faith carried through to my adult life. I continued to worry and fret about all manner of things, but espeically about not being enough. I internalized my fear of lack, and made it into that I, myself as a person, mother, lover, partner, sister and friend...I was not enough.

As a result, the negative disapproving voice in my head became louder and stronger and a whole lot more cruel. The more I listened to that voice, the more I shrunk in on myself and truly did become less and not enough. I shared in my last post some of the negative dialogue that can go through my head, when I allow it.

I had no idea that I was the problem. That my thoughts were the issue. My discovery came when after months of worry and fear and a lack of sleep came to a head for me, I just felt I could no longer continue in this pattern and I happened to hear about The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It is a book, and it talks about being present in the moment. I got the book on CD from my library (BLESS THE LIBRARY!) and I listened to it in my car.

The main message that I got out of the book, is that when I begin to worry, ask myself a question:

In this moment, are all of my needs met?

In my experience, my answer has always been, yes. My needs are always met in this very moment. My fear is always based in the past or a future that has not happened, neither of which are right here or now. RIGHT NOW, my needs are met. Once I can accept that IN THIS MOMENT, my needs are met, I then have a CHOICE as to how I want to feel.

In steps, Sylvia Boorstein into my life. Ok, so I don't actually KNOW Sylvia Boorstein personally, but someday I want to know her so well, that when I call her on the phone I say "Oh Syl, it is so good to hear your voice again". But I digress, Sylvia taught me a Metta Meditation and it goes like this:

May I be safe, may I be strong, may I be content and may I live my life with ease.

Through this meditation and months of repeating it to myself whenever I feel fear or wake up during the night with worry, I have found that I actually AM safe, strong, content and that I live my life with ease.

This journey to find peace began for me two years ago, and during those two years, my life has been flooded with positive messages. Every small discovery has lead me to another discovery and I found that once I started looking for the good, I see it everywhere.

I realize now that:

I AM ENOUGH.

I HAVE ENOUGH.

I AM LOVED ENOUGH.

Really, for really real, I am.

And so are you. I challenge you this week to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND I AM ENOUGH.

Enough really is Enough,

Gabbi

Don't you DARE talk to me that way!

I was tooling around on Pinterest the other day, and I saw this picture:



The trueness in this statement stopped me dead in my tracks.

I thought back to all the things I had said to myself that day, not just in regards to my body, but to my own thoughts, my ideas, my clothing selection, my parenting, even my food choices.

I found that more often than not, my thoughts sounded like this:

"That is a dumb idea"

"You can't wear that, you are to fat"

"Sometimes you are such an idiot"

"Don't eat that, little piggy"

I would NEVER EVER say those things to a friend, a loved one, not even a stranger. I focus my life around the concept of lovingkindness, accepting people for where they are at, just as they are, being kind in thought and deed and so...

Why on earth would I EVER EVER EVER talk that way to myself?

I was appalled at the cruelty in which I speak to myself on a regular basis.

How could I DARE talk to myself that way?

I dare to talk that way to myself, because I was not monitoring my thoughts. I didn't treat myself as I would a friend. When I hear a friend say something cruel about herself, I have no problem saying to her "Don't you dare talk to my friend that way." Which is a funny way to snap someone out of their own negative self talk. But I was not doing that for myself.

I do now.

I had forgotten that I am someone's bestie, someone's beloved, someone's MAMA, and I want to be gentle with that girl. I want to love her and hold her hand and nurture her to be her best self. I think about my daughter, who is 13, and I am enraged when I think of anyone talking to her that way. I want to be shocked when I talk to myself that way, and immediately correct myself.

Here is how I am going to do it, research says it takes 21 days to pick up a new habit. I am going to start the habit of talking nice to myself. As Thumper's mom says "If you can't say nothing nice, don't say anything at all." Well, I am modifying that, to be "If you can't say nothing nice to yourself, say something loving!"

Today, I am going to write myself a love letter in the form of 5 index cards. I am going to write 5 true amazing things about myself on them and put them up where I see them every day.

I challenge you to do the same thing. If you cannot think of 5 amazing things about yourself, go ask your bestie, ask your sister or brother, ask your mom or dad, your aunt, your uncle, your kids...anyone who loves you dearly.

Keep them up for 21 days, read them out loud to yourself every day for 21 days.

Monitor your thoughts, when you hear yourself saying you are dumb, unworthy, unloveable...

STOP!

Don't you DARE talk to yourself that way!

Replace the negative talk with your 5 amazing things. Be vigilant. You are an important and amazing soul and you are cherished. Treat yourself as you would your best friend.

There are a million wonderful things about you and we are going to start saying them and reminding ourselves of how amazing we are. Starting with 5.

My 5:

I am an amazing mama.

I am a good writer.

I have a great laugh.

I am creative and resourceful.

I am one smart cookie!

I want to know your 5. Tell me what they are. Let's start talking ourselves up instead of selling ourselves short.

Bragging on my own self,

Gabbi