Enough is Enough

For many years of my life I operated from a fear of lack mindset. For myself, this started as a young girl. We grew up without a lot of money, there were plenty of times we went without. Me, being a natural worrier, worried a lot about how would we have groceries, how would we pay the electric bill, how we would have money for school supplies, the list goes on. I always had a fear that we didn't have enough.

In hindsight, we always had what we needed. Our fundamental needs were always met. We always had a place to sleep at night, we always had clothes, we always ate and I always had school supplies. But, growing up, I had no faith or trust that things would work out.

This lack of faith carried through to my adult life. I continued to worry and fret about all manner of things, but espeically about not being enough. I internalized my fear of lack, and made it into that I, myself as a person, mother, lover, partner, sister and friend...I was not enough.

As a result, the negative disapproving voice in my head became louder and stronger and a whole lot more cruel. The more I listened to that voice, the more I shrunk in on myself and truly did become less and not enough. I shared in my last post some of the negative dialogue that can go through my head, when I allow it.

I had no idea that I was the problem. That my thoughts were the issue. My discovery came when after months of worry and fear and a lack of sleep came to a head for me, I just felt I could no longer continue in this pattern and I happened to hear about The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It is a book, and it talks about being present in the moment. I got the book on CD from my library (BLESS THE LIBRARY!) and I listened to it in my car.

The main message that I got out of the book, is that when I begin to worry, ask myself a question:

In this moment, are all of my needs met?

In my experience, my answer has always been, yes. My needs are always met in this very moment. My fear is always based in the past or a future that has not happened, neither of which are right here or now. RIGHT NOW, my needs are met. Once I can accept that IN THIS MOMENT, my needs are met, I then have a CHOICE as to how I want to feel.

In steps, Sylvia Boorstein into my life. Ok, so I don't actually KNOW Sylvia Boorstein personally, but someday I want to know her so well, that when I call her on the phone I say "Oh Syl, it is so good to hear your voice again". But I digress, Sylvia taught me a Metta Meditation and it goes like this:

May I be safe, may I be strong, may I be content and may I live my life with ease.

Through this meditation and months of repeating it to myself whenever I feel fear or wake up during the night with worry, I have found that I actually AM safe, strong, content and that I live my life with ease.

This journey to find peace began for me two years ago, and during those two years, my life has been flooded with positive messages. Every small discovery has lead me to another discovery and I found that once I started looking for the good, I see it everywhere.

I realize now that:

I AM ENOUGH.

I HAVE ENOUGH.

I AM LOVED ENOUGH.

Really, for really real, I am.

And so are you. I challenge you this week to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND I AM ENOUGH.

Enough really is Enough,

Gabbi